Well, I had a great memory the other day. I used to live in Hazelwood, MO. The ONLY place we could go shopping was a place called "Village Square". It was an outdoor strip mall, but different, cause there were stores on both sides. It was kinda shaped like a big "V". There was this cool area called "Old Towne" which was all indoors, and there were like 20 little shops in there. Florist, TShirt shop, ice-cream shop, bead/jewelry shop...ANYWAY at Christmas Time they would have a train caboose set up in the center of Village Square and every day before Christmas you could go see Santa Clause. He REALLY looked like Santa and every kid got a candy cane after your visit. I love remembering stuff like that. I am 40 ish' and I honestly can say I had a great childhood. Sure, there were shitty times...divorce, trouble with parents, school stuff, but everyone has those issues. I mean just kid stuff was totally cool then. Summertimes were the best. Playing hide and go seek on the whole block. Staying out all day until the street lights came on, then you would scream "Bloody Mary" and run home. All the moms on the block had their own way to call their kid home: mine had a whistle, Linda's mom rang this big bell, Mike's mom just screamed at the top of her lungs. Playing red light-green light, tag, Marco Polo. Going to the community swimming pool ALL DAY and coming home exhausted, starving and sunburned. Eating my weight in popsicles over the course of the summer months. Hearing the ice-cream truck's music and riding your bike (with no hands, of course) all around the neighborhood until you found him. Climbing trees and sitting on the limb thinking the people walking by could not see you. Ahhhh, I love those memories.

I love my daughter

My daughter, Shelby is the best! I am lucky to have her, getting along with teenagers is not always fun, but then again, getting along with parents is not always fun. She is a good soul, really cares about people, but sometimes she just does not get it. For instance, I have had a yucky day. The one thing that is getting me through the day is the thought of going home, getting pjs on, seeing my kid/my dog/my house. So many nites I have to go here or there and sometimes I just wanna go home. Today she tells me that we need to run errands tonite to get ingredients so she can make cookies. Granted she is making cookies as gifts for people for Christmas, but I JUST don't want to run around. When I tell her that, she says, FINE>>>BYE. Doesn't she know what that does to me? It just plain hurts my feelins'. I cannot remember the last time she said to me "Mom, I am sure you have had a busy day. It will do you good to come home and we can just hang out. Thanks for working every day so we can have a decent life" I know, you are falling off your chair to think that a kid would say that to her parent, but my kid is capable of that. She has a huge heart...sometimes I think she shows her buddies more affection than me. Oh well, I would not trade her for the world......maybe a few hours! ha

HELP ME QUIT SMOKING

Okay, this is so cliche' but I decided that if people actually read this tired little blog of mine I will quit smoking. My daughter has created a group on FaceBook and she has it set up so that if she gets 10,000 people to join the group I will quit smoking. I really want to. I did before and quit for 2 years, but of course I started again! how stupid!!!
So, since I am convinced that there are a bazillion blogs out there, no one will know this one exists, and just because I am being pessimistic today, I will be smoking for a long time to come!ha
I actually wrote a letter to K D Lang today, I think it would be fun to start a letter writing club and since her music was playing at the time I was thinking of this, I wrote her a letter. weird.
Going to lunch now, what an exciting life I lead.

dead end

I am so pissed. I have been at my current job for over 5 years. I have been in my profession for 20 years so obviously I have lots of experience. Well, my supervisor just retired so her position is open. I am fully qualified to move into her position and of course it means some more money for my family. I just heard through the grapevine that due to budget, economy...whatever.....any open positions may not be filled for a while! Makes it really tough to stay motivated and enjoy coming to work when there is no chance to grow or advance. Since I am the ONLY income for my little family, I really need this position. And believe it or not, it is not just the money, but the feeling of accomplishement. Oh well, blogging about it is just as effective as going to the county council about it. I am a government worker, don't make huge $, should be used to this by now. Sorry to dump and be negative, but I had to get it out.

Remembering

I never sleep, I want to sleep, but for some reason as soon as I hit 40 I cannot sleep through the night! My usual is take some kind of sleeping pill, get into bed at 10:00, turn on old movie or something that I find relaxing. I fall asleep at 11:00, wake up at 11:30, 12:30 and finally wake up for good at 2:00am. I get up have coffee and some cereal, watch some old re-runs and fall back to sleep at about 4:00...wake up at 6:00. It is very frustrating. Anyway, the other nite when I was outside with Sadie at 2 ish I heard in the distance train whistles. When I was 7 and my big bro (Rod) was 11, we got to go to Disneyworld. We had to get up very early for our flight and we went outside to sit on the curb, drinking our coffee, waiting for Mom and Grandma to get ready. It was dark, a little foggy, a little chilly and off in the distance we heard train whistles. So every time I hear a train whistle I feel like I am 7 again, butterflies in stomach anticipating our exciting trip to Disney. I miss those days, I miss my Rod....he died in 98. That is a whole other post! If someone ever would ask me about it I will tell you. This is really nice to put my thoughts 'on paper'...makes me feel like I am telling a story that someone wants to hear. Do you think your life has been interesting enough to write about? I love hearing other people's stories. I am sure my life does not measure up to the insane reality TV show people's lives, but I really feel like I could write a whole book about 'Stuff that has happened'...maybe I will.

Gotta do it again!

So, I made a feeble attempt to 'design' my page. Not too exciting, but kinda cool. Now if only I had some really cute pics I could add. Don't get me wrong, I am pretty cute, always have been told that anyway. People actually have asked if me and my 14 year old are twins. Not sure if that made her feel horrible, but it made me feel pretty dang good! ha Sure I am a little pudgy, but who isn't these days. I am not a pig, just fluffy. Whatev! Who cares.....been 4 years since I have even been on a date. By choice I will have you know. Just don't want to deal with all of the CRAP associated with dating someone, especially my age with kids and baggage....yuck, no thanks. I shall remain single and celibate for now.
Well, this has been fun. I wonder if anyone out there in this great big world will find my little ole' page.

Gotta start somewhere

Well, I just watched the movie Julie and Julia...she figured out how to blog. It seemed kinda like she was blogging about nothing special but it grew so much from there. I consider myself pretty techno-retarded, but, I figure I will try this bloggin thing, just for a week or so. I am mostly doing this because I don't believe for an instant that anything I have to say is blog worthy. As my title indicates: I am just a Mom...I am divorced with 2 teenagers, I am a woman...although I almost forgot what being a woman feels like, and I still feel like a girl most times...dreamy and restless. I can see the draw this blogging thing has....it is kinda fun to say something, put it out 'there' and see if anyone listens....Well 1 hour and 37 minutes of my work day left.....then I get to go home and DO LAUNDRY...are you jealous?
So much fun talking to myself.
Bye for now
I am having trouble finding a good way to stop this 'blog' entry....there, I am done now.