PCOS diagnosis

Well, after no periods for 4 years, HUGE/RAPID weight gain over 2 years, hot flashes, insomnia, dandruff/dry skin, and anxiety I finally have a diagnosis!!! Joy and jubilation!! PCOS= polycystic ovarian syndrome. I am still learning about it at this point, but I am finding that I fit the picture totally! I started taking metformin 4 days ago....no bad side effects so that is nice. I joined a cool web support group called soul cysters and there are some really helpful pieces of information there. Not sure why I am posting about it here other than this blog is a diary..a journal of sorts and it feels good to 'get it out'! ha
Ya never want something to be wrong with ya,,,,but when you have not felt right for sooooo long it is kinda comforting to be told what has caused your misery. I am a positive person for the most part and I look forward to getting better. My quit date for smoking is March 3rd...a little nervous, but I am ready. It will be hard when I am around my parents, they both smoke, but they are very supportive. I have been attending cessation classes and today attended a wellness class. I really want and need to get my health in order......I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! ha
More later

I have hit a all time low!

Gross~! Just fricking gross!!!! Have I mentioned lately how much I "love" my daughter?!?!?! Well, last nite I allowed her to spend the nite with a friend...because....she had some tough biology homework and her friend aced biology....they worked on a project. ANYWAY, Shelby has a habit of packing her little over nite bag with all of the essentials forgetting that I too need a toothbrush, deodorant, hairbrush etc..... You are probably asking yourself a couple of questions: Don't Shelby and mom each have their own toothbrushes? What did Shelly use to brush her teeth this morning??????
Well....yes, we each HAD our own toothbrushes until Shelbys toothbrush vanished into the abyss known as her room.....so now she uses mine all of the time (I know, I know....everyone out there is saying "EWWWWWW, Gross"). Whatever, I don't get grossed out by using my kids toothbrush. Oh, the 2nd question about what did I use to brush my teeth this morning??.........
MY DOGS TOOTHBRUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now even I think that is a little gross!
Just for the record I cleaned it with hot, soapy water before I used it...and it had only been used once....somehow I feel the need to explain.
As far as the deodorant? I have learned...I have an extra deodorant in my desk at work, and the hairbrush????? Whatever!
For some crazy reason I have the almost uncontrollable urge for a MILKBONE!

Another day in paradise!!!!! ugh

I know it is important to remind myself how "blessed" I am. I know how much harder lots of other people have it in this world. I know I am a lot better off now than I was a few years ago. I know I should not "wish time away" and I should cherish each moment. I am lucky...have a nice house, not hardly any debt, a great job, great family!!!!!
Okay with all of that outta the way...can I just say......teenagers suck!!!!! Nothing really exciting happened today to make it any tougher than it always is, I just can hardly believe some days that things will EVER be right and good on the family front. I vividly remember certain parts of being a teenager...it was not fun being a teenager most times. The angst, the drama, the boys, the stupid parents, the social life, the friends...oh, yeah, and school. So much has changed in this world but the basic relationship struggles between parent and teen is absolutely the same! There are a few things I SWORE I would or would not do when I was a teen:
I was going to never nag my kids, I would listen to them and really allow them to make their own decisions, I would not give them crap about their friends or girl/boy friends. Fast forward to now>>>>I nag almost constantly, I TRY to listen to them but some of the shit that spews from their mouths is soooooooooooo idiotic, and some of their choices in friends really makes me wonder if they are at all intelligent! There ...I said it....I really am a good mom....just a tired mom..
Oh, one more thing....."I am soooo sorry Mom for putting you through this!!!"

Finally validation!

For 4 years I have believed I was in menopause. All of the symptoms. My nights and days seem switched, I never never sleep well at night, but can sleep like a log during the day. I have packed on the pounds with no real change in caloric intake. No periods for 4 years. Depressed. Super dry skin. I am either burning up or freezing, seems like my body is never at a normal temperature. Very rarely does food sound really good...hard to think of something that sounds really yummy. I drink about 2 liters of water a day (which I still think is good for me). Well....went to OB GYN yesterday and she reviewed my labs from over 1 year ago and she says that the MD called me in 2008 to tell me to see an endocrinologist right away due to hypothalamus disorder. I DO NOT remember that phone call....anyway.....I am now trying to get into an endocrine MD. I cried in her office yesterday because for so long I have suffered with all of the these symptoms that I just chalked up to menopause and I felt badly that I did not deal with them very well. I feel like at least I am not going nuts.

Getting older

My mom created a blog now. It is fun, she is having fun posting to it. I could not help but notice a common thread in her posts. She is afraid of the future. She is afraid of being alone with no one there to be with her, to help her, to make sure she is okay. I agree with her that times are different, families rarely live together the way they once did. I can understand the fear of the unknown...the future....what will it be like? I am sure we all have those same fears. The difference is with me I still believe in the old values. My Dad has lived with me 3 times, my ex in-laws lived with us, we lived with them. I think if we all lived like this there would be a lot less unhappy people in nursing homes etc.... Of course I cannot promise what the future will hold....Who knows what condition I will be in when I am 70....I pray I grow old. I pray I am a happy, crazy old lady that stays independent until the bitter end.
So I know my Mom will read this...so Mom.....relax...enjoy your time today....enjoy Grandpa......let us worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. But I promise you this....I won't leave either one of my parents out in the cold! I may buy a big house, live in the middle and have you in one wing and Dad in the other wing.....but it will all be okay!

Things that I think about

I wonder what my kids are going to be like in 10 years...I am sure every parent thinks about that. Heck, I wonder what I am going to be like in 10 years! Nothing exciting comes to mind at this moment....
Weekends go so fast, don't they? Working all week means weekends are a time to "catch up"..laundry, cleaning, grocery store...joy joy! I see people my age at the gas station on a Friday evening 'gassing up' the car with bicycles on the car rack. Getting ice for the cooler loaded with expensive bottled water, energy drinks, granola bars. Wearing the latest, most expensive North Face outer wear and colorful 'sneakers'. You know what? It makes me tired looking at them. All I can think about is getting home, seeing my family and my dog, getting sweats or pj's on and snuggling up. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I am that way. Whatever! I feel guilty if the weather is bad! ugh

Aw man! My mom just sent me an email telling me she made a big pot of homemade soup and an apple pie!!! She took this pic this morning! Doesn't that look incredible?! My mom is probably one of the best cooks in the world. She makes it look so easy!!!!! No wonder I am pudgy!

Let it snow!!!!!!!

I wish they would get the weather forecast right...just once this winter. It has always been a joke...living in St. Louis..."If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes!".....because we have so many changes in our weather. They called for snow last night..nuthin! They are calling for snow this morning....only rain right now! Sometimes I love a big snow. Soooooo many awesome memories of playing in snow as a kid. I hope my kids have lots of good memories. I often worry that my kids won't because of stuff that has happened. i.e. divorce, moving, drama. I mean, don't get me wrong, we are very blessed....always have had warm, clean home to live in, plenty to eat, lots of friends and family, material things. I just know I can sit here right now and vividly remember LOTS of great stuff from my child hood. Of course, there are some shittly memories too,,,,,,but who doesn't have those.
It just totally blows me away that I am 41 years old. I can hardly believe that I have 2 teenagers. I now understand what people meant when they would say "Time flies!" I just want Ben and Shelby to know how much I love them and that I only want them to be happy and fulfilled.
Not a very exciting post, but stuff that is on my mind...I guess that is the point of a blog, duh!

Lots to write about...but not really

I have spent a lot of time checking out other blogs. As I said in the previous post,,,there are not many out there like me....I dont think. Whatev! I feel like I could type and type and type, but I immediately wonder>>>>>is there actually someone out there that gives a shit about the happenings of my days! ha Excitement to me is getting a new release from Blockbuster and being able to stay awake for the whole movie! I like my boring little life though. For the most part, there are no surprises, not a lot of drama, and plenty of time for me to cuddle up with my Sadie and scratch her belly. Don't ya hate when you paint your nails but don't use a top coat and then you leave streaks of your nail polish on papers....I think that makes sense.
I am still walking on clouds because I got my promotion at work. Very exciting stuff. I have been a RN for almost 20 years, it is nice to get recognized in this way!!!!!
Well off to lunch, I shall go home, eat something microwaved and have a few minutes to scratch Sadie's belly. Bye for now

no blogs for me

Well, I just figured out how to look at other blogs. I am convinced there is no one out there like me. Almost all the blogs out there are: i am happily married, I home school 2 precious kids, I drive a mini van, I am a devout Christian, I grow all of my own produce, and of course....I take pictures of my wonderful children every day and post them to my blog.
So me??? i am divorced, have 2 troubled teens, hate mini vans, am a Christian that does not go to church, would rather take a hot stick in the eye before home schooling, buy my produce at the grocery store and am too cheap to pay for organic, and of course......I have some pics of the kids, but am too stupid to figure out how to put them on blog.
So , I am guessing I should quit this 'blogging' idea while I am ahead. Or maybe there is a blog site out there for people like me?!?!?!? NAH!

just for me

It is obvious that I know nothing of this 'blog business'...no one knows about my blog, I don't know who would want to read it....but I like posting to it for some reason.
I got the job, I am now a community health rn II. I want this position very badly for lots of reasons!!!
I am going to attend a smoking cessation class on Feb. 10th...I would really love to stop smoking, just wish I did not have to be miserable while doing it.
Ben is still living with his Dad, just me, shelby and sadie at house. I miss Ben and I am proud that he seems to be making some changes. I will never give up on my kids.
I am so fat. I made my ob/gyn appt........oh goody a pap smear! I dread dread dread getting on the fricking scale.......ugh. On that happy note, I better get back to work.